when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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