playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
