A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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