it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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