is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
