Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
