We won't sleep together?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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