well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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