is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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