we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
