I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize