I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wear drunk well.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
