Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
