omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
well you can't waste a boner
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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