I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
