Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
