he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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