I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
