if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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