What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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