And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
