do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
