There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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