At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
