who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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