let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He felt like a one man threesome
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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