fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
