Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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