So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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