can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize