I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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