My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
