i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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