I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
