i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize