I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
