Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it's great music for shaving your balls
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
