News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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