If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize