i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
