He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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