Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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