Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize