she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
