Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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