I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
