I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
