Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize