DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
