well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
