Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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