wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
