The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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