Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
