how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
