if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
