I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
