Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
