kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
