U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
only you would photoshop your dick
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
