My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
