it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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