girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
