Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
