my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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