He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
