return my video game
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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