She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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