Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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