I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
