You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
