Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
