Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
