your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Sober January is a disaster.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
