Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
