Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
