Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
