Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize