one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
