it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
