I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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