i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
