Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Randomize
