he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
