About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize