Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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