Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm going to jail i love you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize