I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
