I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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