careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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