It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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