I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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