Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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