Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
