This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
