i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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