Don't make out with my wife yet
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
