guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
