honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
