I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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